Supercharge Your Life With The Pain Of Rejection
Supercharge Your Life With The Pain Of Rejection
Dismissal defining you? Use it to power your success instead.
Rejection from Cambridge University was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Being thrown aside was not how my academic fairytale was supposed to end. The destruction of my hopes hurt like hell. The scars occasionally burn (albeit faintly) 25 years later. Yet, it triggered a remarkable transformation in me that dramatically improved my life.
I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Rejection
The Hollywood story began so typically.
The first-ever Oxbridge applicant from a middle-of-the-road government-funded school.
A fearless straight-A student with burning passion for his subject.
Carrying the hopes and dreams of his parents, teachers, and his home town.
Ready to make his mark in the highest echelons of academia.
It seems strange to remember how little information was available on the internet in the late 90s. I don’t think I even had access to it at that point. So when my invitation packet arrived in the mail, I devoured every detail. After all, it was the only source I had to understand what to expect.
Before I knew it, interview day arrived. I didn’t have a suit so I found my smartest jacket and trousers and took the train south. Soon, I was wandering in awe through the historic streets and colleges. In that moment, it was a scene that felt more inspirational than intimidating.
Alas, that latter feeling was lurking around the corner.
There were 3 interviews.
First, the “personal interview”. The setup intent for this was a friendly intro. A chance to get to know you better as a person. The setting was a casual and comfortable study.
First question he asked me:
“So, what school do you go to?”
Simple enough, right? Unfortunately for me, my answer stirred up only confusion and disdain.
“Oh….I’ve never heard of that school.”
Boom. Straight onto the back foot as my confidence withered into pieces. He was friendly enough. I regained some credibility later. But, I couldn't help but feel he was only tolerating me.
Next up was the academic interview, in a lecture room. It was all curriculum I’d covered and fairly straightforward. The ship was back on an even keel. It was all going to be fine, right?
The final interview was in a huge room. It had floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and oak panels. In the center was a monstrous desk. Behind it was a lavish, throne-like chair. The professor atop it haughtily glanced at me through the glasses on the end of his nose.
“Sit, boy.” (yes, really)
He tossed (again, yes, really) some stapled pieces of paper across the expanse of desk to me and told me to begin.
I looked down and saw a chess-based logic puzzle. I began my process, jotting down the constraints seeking to make sure I understood the question. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the professor rise from his desk.
Maybe he’s going to get a book, stretching his legs? Next thing I know he is standing right behind me, bellowing.
“What’s WRONG, boy? Don’t you understand chess? Can’t you DO puzzles?”
Startled, I mumbled something about my process. He sighed, shook his head and made the walk back to his perch. At which point, he addressed me again, dismissively.
“You know…most candidates have finished by this time.”
That was it. I froze. Any remaining shreds of confidence disappeared. The rest of the interview happened beyond my memory. It was a sad, forgotten blur.
As I left the college, a student walked past me. They looked me up and down and snorted in barely-hidden derision. A cherry on the top of my humble pie.
The rejection letter landed a few weeks later.
Reflection
Now many years in the future, I wonder:
Was I beaten before the race was run? Many ‘known’ schools drill their students for months in preparation for Oxbridge interviews. Success in that funnel is part of the value proposition when school is being paid for.
Interview conditions aside, maybe I simply wasn’t good enough? One has a tendency to remember the lowlights of any testing experience.
Did my lack of confidence beat me? Would I have buckled if I had more resilience? Were they were assessing for a sturdy mind as much as a capable one?
Irrelevant musings. Whatever the cause, my actions created my outcome.
One thing I don’t wonder is if I’d have been better off if I’d made it in.
I was a bad fit. The signals were everywhere during that day. An acceptance would have been a 3-year sentence to trying and failing to fit in. A lucky escape for all involved.
So I headed to my 2nd choice university with a very different outlook and approach.
This sudden jolt disrupted my singular focus on academic work. My eyes had been opened. I had seen a whole new set of ‘success criteria’ in the world.
It had never been all about the grades.
I had a total blast all 3 years at university.
I’ll admit I over-corrected. I encountered failed exams and wasted hungover days along my path. But, it also sparkled with parties and the formation of amazing lifelong friendships. There was even a foray into elected office in my final year.
I discovered and developed new skills into core signature superpowers.
Superpowers that would form the cornerstones of a life and a career which I’ve found incredibly rewarding and enjoyable.
No regrets.
Takeaways
This experience underscores a vital lesson: rejection isn't the end of the road.
It's a detour that can lead to unexpected opportunities and successes.
It may even lead to a far better path than you’re capable of seeing in your current reality.
Dealing with dismissal? Here are my my takeaways for anyone grappling with rejection:
Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to be disappointed. Acknowledge your feelings, but don't let them consume you. Remember, your worth is not determined by an acceptance letter or any other subjective framework that an individual or organization applies to you.
Reframe Your Perspective: University rejections, like any other form of rejection, are not personal attacks on your abilities or potential. They are often the result of an incredibly competitive process fraught with variables beyond your control.
Explore Alternative Paths: Investigate other paths that appeal to your area of interest. For example, many universities provide great education. They also offer research opportunities, internships, and a vibrant student life. These can be as fulfilling, if not more so, than the Ivy League.
Embrace the Journey: Use rejection to reflect on your interests more deeply. Do activities that excite you. This could be internships, volunteer work, travel, or starting a project or business. These experiences can be just as valuable. They may be even more valuable than the course you originally planned.
Seek Support: Lean on family, friends, mentors, and counselors during this time. Their views can comfort and guide. Sometimes, they provide the push needed to move forward.
Stay Focused on Your Goals: Keep your ultimate career and life goals in sight. Any step is just one of many routes to achieving your ambitions. Many successful people have thrived without the thing you’re pursuing.
Regroup and Return: If the source of your rejection remains an unwavering goal, find new ways to return there with more experience. Excelling elsewhere can boost your chances. It shows your toughness and commitment to your goals.
I share my story as a beacon for those feeling lost in the shadow of rejection. It's a reminder that your path to success is uniquely yours to carve. In the grand tapestry of life, anything is but only one thread.
It's the choices you make, the passion you bring to your endeavors, and the resilience you demonstrate in the face of setbacks that truly define your journey. So, as you stand at the crossroads of rejection, remember that every setback is a setup for a comeback.
Where will your comeback lead you?