The Hidden Cost of Being Everything to Everyone

Why your excuses are costing you more than you think

Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I don't have time," when what you really mean is, "This isn't a priority for me"?

We're all guilty of it. We dance around difficult conversations, bend ourselves into pretzels, trying to please everyone, and hide behind convenient excuses that help us avoid uncomfortable truths. But what if I told you that this behavior – this tendency to deflect and defer – quietly erodes the quality of your relationships and opportunities?

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The other day, I reflected on my journey building multiple businesses, and a stark truth hit me: trying to speak to everyone means speaking to no one. It's a lesson that cost me dearly, both in time and missed opportunities.

Take a generic digital marketing agency, for instance. The temptation is to cast the broadest possible net – after all, the whole world could be your client, right? But here's the reality check: if you're a nail salon owner looking to crack TikTok because that's where your young clientele hangs out, who would you rather hire? A generic "digital marketing agency" or someone specializing in "digital marketing for nail salons looking to break TikTok"?

The same principle applies to our personal lives, though we rarely consider it this way.

The Chameleon Trap

For years, I fell into what I now call the Chameleon Trap – that exhausting dance of trying to be liked by everyone. You know the routine: agreeing with every opinion, laughing at every joke (even the bad ones), and carefully calibrating your personality to match whatever the room wants.

The result? You become a generic presence, a social shapeshifter with no real form of your own. Your authentic self gets lost in the endless adaptations, which ironically makes it harder to form genuine connections.

Think about it: I'm a guy who loves eating out, pool, golf, and chess. I think politics is fundamentally broken, and I believe AI will reshape humanity over the next five years. These specific interests and strong beliefs might put some people off – and that's exactly the point.

If someone finds discussing AI over a game of pool while critiquing the latest restaurant dreadful, guess what? We probably wouldn't have a great time together anyway. And that's perfectly okay.

The "No Time" Lie

Let's discuss everyone's favorite excuse: "I don't have time."

This little phrase is perhaps the most insidious form of self-deception we engage in. Because what we're really saying is: "I am choosing not to prioritize this." It's a deflection that helps us avoid confronting our true feelings and choices.

The truth becomes especially obvious when we claim we don't have time for something important while spending hours scrolling through social media or binge-watching the latest Netflix series. We all do it, but at what cost?

Breaking the Pattern

The shift away from these patterns usually happens at one of two breaking points:

1. When the emotional conflict inside becomes more uncomfortable than having the difficult conversation

2. When the cost of maintaining the facade exceeds the perceived benefit of avoiding authenticity

I've learned this the hard way in business. Recently, I ignored advice from 5-8 experienced professionals who warned me against pursuing a specific market. My bullish belief in myself – usually a positive trait – became a blindspot. One by one, I had to go back and admit they were right.

The Freedom in Boundaries

Here's the counterintuitive truth I've discovered: setting clear boundaries and being specific about who you are actually creates more opportunities for meaningful connections, not fewer.

Think about your closest relationships. Chances are they're built on shared interests, compatible differences, and mutual respect for each other's authentic selves – not on careful adaptations and avoided conversations.

The same applies in business. The most successful ventures often aren't the ones trying to serve everyone, but rather those that dare to be specific and potentially alienating to those outside their target audience.

Taking Action

So how do we break free from these patterns? Here are some starting points:

1. Practice owning your choices: Instead of saying "I don't have time," try "This isn't a priority for me right now."

2. Get comfortable with discomfort: Start small – express a contrary opinion in a low-stakes situation, or share a genuine interest even if it might not be popular.

3. Audit your adaptations: Notice when you're changing your behavior to please others. Ask yourself if it's serving your authentic relationships or just avoiding conflict.

Remember: The goal isn't to become inflexible or inconsiderate. It's about finding the sweet spot between growth and authenticity, between being open to feedback and staying true to your core self.

The Path Forward

The journey to authenticity isn't about dramatic declarations or burning bridges. It's about small, consistent choices to be more honest – with yourself and others.

Yes, some people might drift away when you stop being everything to everyone. But the relationships that remain – and the new ones you'll form – will be built on something real.

And isn't that worth more than the exhausting pretense of universal compatibility?

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What masks are you wearing in your daily life? Which conversations are you avoiding under the guise of "being too busy"?

The answers might be uncomfortable, but they're worth exploring. After all, the cost of not doing so is far greater than any momentary discomfort.

Until next time,

Graeme