Break Your Mid-Life Plateau: Do One Thing That Scares You This Month

Stop hiding, start living.

A night at the pool hall showed me how to break out of a plateau and start living life more fully again.

The tingling sweet spot between fear and excitement is an exhilarating place to be. Yet, as life progresses, you’re predisposed to avoid risk; you seek refuge in the warm arms of comfort as much as possible. If you’re not careful, the allure will become too great and you’ll stifle your life into fluffy stagnation.

When was the last time nervous butterflies rampaged through your stomach?

Your Turn To Break

I got called up to practice with a pool league team last week.

I've been on the lookout for new hobbies and played a lot of pool in my 20s so, I put my name down a few months ago. I never really expected to hear back, but then the text appeared.

We’ve got a potential team for you! Come down to practice at 630 on Monday.

A flurry of clarifying questions later it was locked in and I was expected. Great! A game I love playing, in the company of others who also did. What’s not to like?

A few hours later an unfamiliar flutter hit as some tough realizations began to land:

• I was better than average amongst my friends but that’s a small sample size, maybe I’m not any good at all?

• I have played less than 5 times in the last 5 years so would surely be rusty.

• Wouldn’t it be the height of arrogance to walk into a place with people who play 3hrs per week (plus practice) and expect to compete?

I restarted my text flurry.

“Is there a good mix of abilities in the league?”

“Don’t worry about other players’ abilities, Graeme, just come down and have fun.”

Oh shit.

The afternoon before practice was a nightmare. The butterflies rocketed around, distracting me from the most basic of tasks. I paced up and down in the kitchen during dinner preparation. I over-enthusiastically prepared and chalked my old cue, trying to take back control of anything I could. What was making this so hard?

Then I realized - it had been so long since I’d been nervous. About anything.

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Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You

So says Baz Luhrmann, the original bro philosopher, in his classic hit ‘Sunscreen’.

It had been way longer than a day for me. Longer than a week? Yup. Just last month I backed out of a vertical drop water slide that my 14yo son was so desperate for me to enjoy. Was my last fear last year? Even longer?

It had taken a casual pool league to make me realize I had wrapped my life in cotton wool.

So why do we humans gravitate away from fear?

Survival and energy conservation

From an evolutionary perspective, comfort can be linked to survival. Comfortable environments and situations often signify safety, which means less immediate risk and threat to life. By seeking comfort, our ancestors were more likely to avoid dangerous situations, which improved their chances of survival.

Pain avoidance and pleasure seeking

Comfort often means the absence of pain and the presence of pleasure, whether physical or psychological. This drive is governed by the brain’s reward system, particularly the release of dopamine, which reinforces behaviors that lead to comfort and pleasure.

Psychological wellbeing

Comfort helps in reducing stress and anxiety, contributing to better mental health. Stressful and uncomfortable environments can trigger the body’s "fight or flight" response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol. Comfortable environments help mitigate these responses, promoting a sense of wellbeing and stability.

The motivations are many. It’s understandable that we’d run to comfort at every opportunity, right? But, isn’t that just a recipe for a boring life? What are some questions you might ask yourself to push into more adventurous places?

What's the worst that could happen?

Evaluating the worst-case scenario can help put the risk into perspective. Often, you find that the potential negative outcomes are not as catastrophic as you initially feared.

What's the best that could happen?

Considering the best possible outcome is very important. This question helps you focus on the positive possibilities and the potential rewards of taking a risk.

Will I regret not doing this?

Looking back from the future, would you regret not having tried? Most of my regrets in life have come from things I’ve not done rather than things I’ve done.

What can I learn from this experience?

Focusing on the learning opportunities rather than just the success or failure can make taking risks feel more worthwhile. You win or you learn.

What is the cost of inaction?

Sometimes, the cost of doing nothing is greater than the risk of taking action. Not making a decision is sometimes a decision by default.

You can use these power questions to set yourself on the path to butterflies, excitement and discovering new joys in your life.

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It’s Only A Game

Back to the pool hall.

I was greeted by Christy, the league organizer, who talked me through the rules and then invited me to play a rack. It was very much a nothing game but my heart was thumping when I settled down to every shot. Christy busied herself between turns, getting the arriving patrons set up for the night of league play ahead. Somehow, I managed to get into position to sink a nervy 8-ball for the win!

She passed me on to Phil to play next as a warm-up. He stepped up, broke, and ran the entire table to win without letting me have a single shot. Uh oh. I asked him if he did it often. He humbly said “not really” and proceeded to take me to pieces in the next 2 games. I think I had 3 total turns.

I spent the rest of the night on the ‘practice table’, where folks would drop in for a pickup game between matches. I didn’t win a single game for the rest of the evening. But this was anything but a disaster:

• I got so much better with each game. I learned just by watching and would have won a couple if I hadn’t bottled easy shots on the 8-ball.

• Everyone was so lovely and very welcoming. They offered encouragement, advice and shared stories of their own first nights.

• I settled down into the vibe and felt so much more comfortable by the end of the evening.

Now, I can’t wait to go back next week. The mix of camaraderie and competition will remain enjoyable and will no doubt make me a much better player in a few months.

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Going Back To The Well

I took a risk, tried something new, and lived to tell the tale!

It reconnected me with a long-lost feeling and provided a new type of excitement as part of my weekly routine. The question for me now is how to keep this run going and keep challenging myself - what next? I’m not sure yet but it’s a great feeling to form an addiction to.

What have you been sitting on that could set you on a new path?