3 Life-Changing Lessons From A Week In The Wilderness

The incredible value of a personal reset (and why you should plan one today!)

Aug 12, 2024

Unexpected reasons Alaska was spectacular — Icy Strait Point, AK

My week in Alaska was spectacular, but not for the reasons you might expect.

The scenery and wildlife were as incredible as you’d imagine. Nearly three million visitors a year couldn’t be wrong, and I loved all that. Something more about the trip captured the imagination, though — something deeper than the whales, more striking than the mountains.

This is what I learned below the surface of the typical experience:

Being fully offline is like a spa for your brain

I didn’t set out with the intention of this trip being a technology diet.

I typically try to control my phone usage. It doesn’t come into the bedroom. I have app timers on social media apps, stemming the flow of their fountains of dopamine.

Thanks to Royal Caribbean and their ‘great value’ $20 per device per day WiFi offering, I had a wholly disconnected week. My ability to override my limits (which I guiltily admit to doing occasionally) was gone.

For a week, my world began and ended on the cruise ship.

Being offline was tough at first. It turns out you reach for your phone a lot more than you realize:

Out of pure damn dirty habit
When you see something that reminds you of a friend, and you want to tell them
When you hear rumblings of a world news event and don’t have any details.

When you wake up, and your phone shows no signal, you go about your day differently. You are full of possibilities; you feel free and present. The world shrinks, and your stresses shrink with it.

I missed the Microsoft/Crowdstrike crisis while I was on the ship. From a hindsight perspective, it seems like little more than a storm in a teacup. I’m sure some folks felt like the world was collapsing into anarchy in the midst of it.

When we docked in Vancouver to go home, all airline systems were back up, all flights were back on schedule, and I avoided all drama and stress about any possibility of that not happening.

Wasted worry, which would have made no difference to the outcome.

I cleared a week of email inbox in the lines to get off and was ready to resume life with the vigor and energy of someone who’s had a proper rest.

Much as you struggle to silence your phone for even an hour, regular offline breaks are what winning looks like.

You can tell yourself, ‘Oh, I could easily do without my phone,’ but see how long you stick with it once reality and the need for convenience and gratification strikes.

It doesn’t even need to be in Alaska. Start with a weekend and change your brain.

Everyone around you has incredible stories to tell

The power of being present unlocks a previously unseen path to people and their pasts.

Two thousand people seem like a lot, but when you’re on a ship for a week, many faces become familiar — the families who eat at the tables near you, neighbors in the hallway, and people who enjoy the same activities.

Many opt for superficial or polite interactions, but if you’re open to it and show some interest, people will quickly open their book life stories for you.

I met a couple wearing matching ‘Just Married’ t-shirts with their wedding date from 1984 on them. They were celebrating forty years of marriage, quite an achievement in this day and age.

They talked about raising their kids and what they’d learned about the balance between providing care and freedom. They talked about managing relationships with adult kids, what to expect, and the wins and regrets they’d had along the way.

I joined a poker tournament one morning. The cost of entry was perfectly pitched - high enough that folks wanted to win, low enough that the game stayed friendly. It created a great atmosphere and camaraderie between the ten of us.

Players shared many stories during the game, including one guy who had played on the final tables of the World Series of Poker. We heard about:

his interactions with the pros
his 20 years of studying human behavior to gain an advantage
his elite strategic approach to the game

He was the second person knocked out. Lol.

I haven’t had an alcoholic drink for 629 days, mainly through my desire to improve my life. AA meetings have never felt necessary, but there was one each day on the ship, so I went along a couple of times to meet some fellow sober peeps.

First, I compliment how open and friendly each meeting was. Everyone was made to feel welcome, regardless of circumstances. Out of respect for privacy, I won’t share details, but I heard:

A woman sober for 14 years still consumed by guilt over an incident that most people I know (including me) would consider no more than a fleeting embarrassment.
A man sober for 40 years who had seen unimaginable horrors of war that sent him spiraling to a horrifying rock bottom experience on his return.

Hearing these perspectives in depth recalibrated my understanding of the different paths to alcohol addiction and the wildly different bars people hold themselves to on the way out of it.

As an AA meeting, it was explicitly constructed to suspend judgment and prioritize honesty and support, but it matched the broader vibe of the ship.

I reflected and realized that you don’t need Alaska for this lesson. When forming and growing relationships, time, attention, support, and vulnerability go a long way.

Put yourself out there and make an offer. You’ll be amazed at what you get in return.

The best things can come when you aren’t trying too hard

I’ve never been excited about whales.

Paying many dollars to spend hours in a puffy suit to see some fins and splashing didn’t appeal to me.

Here in Alaska, it was all about the world’s biggest mammals—whale trips, whale souvenirs, whale watching — literally a whale of a time.

I ignored all of it. At Icy Strait, whale fever was at its peak on the boat. On a clear, calm day with no rain, the ship was hyped for some whale action.

Instead, I indulged the kids. They had developed quite the penchant for kayaking during our excellent weekend in Vancouver before setting sail, so we strapped into our boats and went off.

Ten minutes into our paddle, my worldview on whales instantly transformed when a humpback breached 30 feet from our kayaks. I was first surprised, then shocked, and finally in total awe. The size of this thing…

Our guide told us to stay still. Whales navigate via sonar pulses every thirty seconds, so if you’re moving, you’re more at risk of getting tipped out. I shakily got my cameras ready, and shortly after, our rogue solo whale resurfaced with his friends.

Still terrifyingly close for a guy in a plastic boat on freezing water who isn’t great at swimming.

As the world’s newest whale expert, I showed the video to fellow passengers back on board, and they were amazed. It was the best video on the ship, even amongst the hundreds who had gone out specifically looking for whales.

Since coming home and sharing more broadly, it’s become apparent that folks spend weeks pursuing proximity to whales and don’t get anything close to the type of experience I had.

And to think, I wasn’t even trying to see whales. I was literally trying to avoid them.

Beyond appreciating the great fortune, it made me reflect on the weird ways life sometimes unfolds.

Single friends chase the love of their lives yet have a series of awful dates.
Unemployed friends frantically chase jobs and never get a callback.
Kids try so hard to be part of the ‘in crowd’ and get shunned.

There is something to be said about focusing on ‘being’ and letting life manifest its wonders in front of you.

If you chase something too hard, there’s a decent chance your frantic pursuit can make it less likely that you get it.

Then you watch in frustration as some lucky fool gets the outcome you’ve been craving.

The best lessons are the least obvious ones

I had to travel all the way to Alaska to uncover three excellent lessons.

The best part? They unlock approaches that are available to anybody, anywhere, so you can get them for free!

Try a day without your phone. Lock it away and see how it transforms your life while out of reach.
Ask a stranger a deeper question, and be open, supportive, and curious about their answer. Amazing stories wait for you.
Give yourself a break from that thing you’ve been relentlessly pursuing. Recalibrate your approach and be present.

Along the way, look for the lessons underneath the surface. You’ll be surprised by what you can see when you look hard enough.

Shifting Perspectives

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